My New Healthcare Law

I really can’t drink much coffee anymore because it throws off my equilibrium, which leads to terrible dizzy spells. I know! I looked up my symptoms online and tested out the advice, less caffeine (coffee/soda) more water. It worked. No more french vanilla cappuccinos with breakfast and the late afternoon snack. 😦

A lot less Pepsi. Every six weeks or so, when I can’t take it anymore, I buy a 1.5 liter. Last time, though, my body didn’t react very well. I didn’t finish the bottle. (’s another miracle! haha)

No more high fructose corn syrup. I actually started looking at the labels on the food I buy. Are these folks trying to kill us? Too much salt or too much sugar or too much fat or all of the above. I’m trying to live here, okay. I figured out that all that soda and coffee and McDonald’s were making me feel bad. The consequence of being in your 30s, I suppose.

Still, I traded the coffee/soda for tea. I’ve tried all kinds of teas. I’d have to say Earl Grey tea is my favorite..with a touch of milk & raw sugar (no, not that processed, bleached sugar). They were on the news talking about how bad the processed sugar is for us and how bad the high fructose corn syrup is for us. Then, I go shopping for food and it’s in most of everything. Whole aisles of stuff I shouldn’t eat! Who’s the brains behind this operation?

You go to check out and they have cigarettes. Next to the ultra expensive cigarettes are the ultra expensive kits to help you quit smoking. It’s absolutely absurd if you really think about it. Who is in charge here? I told my dad I’d never be elected for President.

Because! People complain, complain, complain. The cost of healthcare is too high. How are we gonna pay for it? The government should give us more money. Look it…let’s pause, back up, and think about this for a moment, shall we. The real problem is not the cost of healthcare. The real problem is the amount of people who are sick from preventable health problems.

A bad diet. A lack of exercise, if any at all. Smoking. Drugs. Too much alcohol. I have to watch news reports and listen to statistics about how many people are overweight and unhealthy. Then I have to watch all these commercials about alternatives to exercising. Take this pill. Wear this belt around your waist for six-pack abs (really?). Here’s a simple machine to help you lose weight. Which goes into a pile of all the other lose-weight-fast machines in the corner of a garage.

To those of my fellow Americans that this applies to, I submit that you snap out of it. For your own good. I don’t try to eat healthy because I’m a goodie-two-shoes. I try to eat healthy because I feel lousy otherwise. I don’t like feeling lousy. So, I change my diet in order to feel good..opposed to lousy. It’s as simple as that.

A quick example. I love Chips Ahoy White Fudge Chunky Chocolate Chip cookies. (yum) But sometimes, I eat too many at once and my body yanks on me saying, ‘I don’t feel so great.’ In turn, I leave the cookies alone for a while replacing them with more fruits and vegetables. If I really threw myself off, I’ll eat a beets, spinach, carrots mixture. Then, I’m a happy puff again.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve run into people telling me: “Oh, my doctor said I’m not suppose to eat this, but…” Hey, I’m not paying for that. If I have to be disciplined and use self-control, you are not excluded.

If I was running for President, what would I say? Hmm. Where’s my podium?! Do I get a podium?! 😀

Therefore, my fellow Americans, if you vote for me to be your next President of the United States, I promise to solve this little healthcare problem. Yes, I’m getting to it, my policy, and no, I’m not putting more money into the system. My policy is, every fast food joint that does not comply with the serving of healthy food across their entire menu will be shut down within six months. All companies using processed, bleached sugar will be ordered to cease immediately. High fructose corn syrup will no longer be in any food or drink products in any store across the United States of America including the colonies. Production of all brands of cigarettes and quit smoking kits will be stopped on my first day of office and removed from all shelves across the country. A limit will be put on prescription drugs to be replaced largely by natural and herbal remedies. As more research is done, and approved, these remedies will replace prescription drugs altogether. If your health condition involves the over-use of alcohol, a legal limit on how much alcohol you can purchase will be issued to you until, and if, your condition is improved. If this limit is breached, all incurred health costs will solely be paid for by you, not the government or your fellow taxpayer. In less than two years, as exercise programs are developed and increased throughout our communities for all age groups, fewer and fewer people will need care from their doctor beyond the flu or the nagging common cold. Less of your expenses will go towards healthcare and will end up back in our economy to keep it growing strong. As the demand for healthcare falls, so will the cost, which will then benefit those who have more serious diseases and ailments acquired at no fault of their own. This includes our veterans coming home from wars, the elderly, the orphans, and the widows. In other words, you, my fellow Americans, have the power to drastically turn the tide of high healthcare prices, dropping them by more than 60% across the board. That way, our children’s children’s children will not have to pay for the healthcare cost we’re creating today. The real power isn’t in a bill or legislation, it’s in your willingness to take responsibility for your own actions through discipline and self-control. Now, the question is: are you going to do it? My next speech will give details on mandatory recycling in every state and the end of Styrofoam products across the nation as well. Thank you…and remember on Election Day to spell “Eric” with a “C” not a “K” or “CK”…or anything like that. May God continue to bless you and may God continue to bless the United States of America. Thank you all, again. (wave to the crowd)

Alright! I like it. I’m too sleepy to write an Acceptance Speech. 😀 I feel whoosy. 😦 What’s that light coming through the blinds? Ooohh yeah, that would be the sun. In all the excitement, I lost count of the time. lol. I’m really gonna lay down now. Good..uhh…morning.

Eric Christopher Jackson


  1. I’m quite healthy but I do like sauces on my food, preferably cream sauces! Or cheese sauces! And gravy 😉 try decaffe I don’t like coffee very often but if I do I prefer latte, there I go again with milk !

    • I like BBQ sauce..on a lot of different foods (especially macaroni & cheese). And I like the melted cheese they put on top of broccoli. Gravy has its own food group. I just monitor how much of these types of things I eat, which is less than I was accustomed to.

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