I feel numb, in a way. I realize in my head that tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day and I’m happy about that. I just feel weighed down by circumstances. I just finished adding the new short story’s summary to my website. I’m looking at how I can improve another story and add scenes to a different one. Then, I set aside some photos to edit which I have to get to because I need to add it to my portfolio, which helps me get more freelance assignments.
All the while, it’s like I can hear my mom telling me from hundreds of miles away, “Eric, get off the computer, it’s a holiday.” Just a sec, mommy. I need to do one more thing…which turns into three more things. Now, my own conscience says, “Eric, you need to go to the grocery store before it gets even more crowded. You don’t have everything needed to cook a Thanksgiving meal.” Yes, for over two hours now, I’ve delayed so I can do just one more thing. I’m busy…
Because the truth is, I’m not as thankful as I should be. Too many things haven’t gone right. Too many things need to be repaired. Too many things need to be worked on. And “time” never takes a break to breathe and let me catch up.
My Dad told me…quite a few times, “Son, God is working even when it doesn’t look like it.” Then, my big sister told me…quite a few times, “Little brother, you can’t conquer the world in a day.” The effect lasts for a little while. Then, I revert to my usual habits.
Finally, it’s like I can hear God poking at me…I can’t carry the world on my shoulders. It’s bigger than I can handle, my dreams bigger than I can comprehend. I have to trust that what I don’t see will come into reality.
Be thankful for today.
Eric Christopher Jackson