Cut

It was night
Dark on this road
Hardly any light
But it’s where the Lord wanted me
I kept walking, losing hope
For signs of life

From the corner of my eye
Moonlight
Coming through the trees
Who did I see standing there

A woman, so beautiful
Staring
She called me
Without saying a word
I detoured, to follow
Ignoring His call

She moved slowly
Yet swiftly
I couldn’t reach her
I decided to try all I could
To touch her

Through the trees
Through the leaves
Muddy sand
Like a jungle or swamp
Moonlight, hazy

I came to an opening
There she stood
Calling me
Without saying a word
Who knew where I was now

She moved so swiftly
I hurried to catch her
But then…
The ground gave way
Beneath me

Through dirt, vines
Wood, I fell
And fell
And fell

Hitting my head on metal
Branches
Over
And over
Did I have time to scream

As my back hit a huge branch
I did flips
Landing on my back
To a distinct sound

Glass
I looked around
As I lay there
Broken, shattered
Glass, covered the ground

I screamed
And screamed
And screamed
Staring at from where I fell
Into darkness, miles away

Every movement
Brought more pain
I wanted to be still
But I had to get
Out of there

Then I held my breathe
Because I saw
The woman I had followed
Standing there
Over me

Suddenly I was afraid
As I looked into her eyes
So dark, too dark
Black, sinking in flashes
Darkness beneath her skin
A skeleton of…

Him
Not a woman at all
A demon
In disguise
Transformed into
Such beauty

I had been tricked
Fooled
By deception
From my eyes
Too late to see
The beauty, only skin deep

I felt even more pain
I started to cry
As the demon smiled at me
I realized where I am
Is not where God is
Where was I

Through groans
Glass sticking into my skin
Bleeding, aching
As pieces fell from my head
I stood up, on my own

No shoes
Barefoot
I walked across the glass
To the wall of branches
Vines, dirt
I had to climb

Passed the metal boards
I hit before
Passed the huge trees
Crying
No one else to blame
But me

At last
To the top
Back to the road
Oh no…
To His Throne

I held my head low
Walking through the great hall
Hiding my face from His light
Ashamed to say a word
Embarrassed, no place else to go

Tears fell from His eyes
I felt Him come close to me
Looking at me
Head to toe
Saddened by the look of me

What happened to you
My child, My son
You were doing so well
A new season has begun

I…I…
I failed You again
I took my eyes off of You
I followed this woman
This demon still comes

I thought he was a she
I was wrong
I fell in a ditch
My progress undone

Now I’m cut
Bruised and broken
I decided to come home
I’m ready for my punishment
No matter what it is

He put His arm around me
Led me to this huge crowd
Standing there in white gowns
Finally looking familiar to me

This is your family
These are your friends
You are in the Body of Christ
Never walk alone again

They will help you
They will comfort you
But I can’t face them Lord
Not like this

It’s okay
Everyone makes mistakes
Everyone falls
But they get up again
Never to fall in
The same ditch again

I don’t know
I don’t think I can win
My mind too far gone
My heart too cold
My soul too dark

My child
It’s been predestined
I have spoken
This is not the end for you

Jesus, unlike before
Please help me
To trust You
I don’t want to fight
Anymore…

January 1, 2008

Book Excerpt of “The Beginning of Me

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