Mother's Day 2018 was the last time I spoke to my Mom. It would be great to think the Visit was pleasant, but it really wasn't. Our relationship had disintegrated into barely speaking ..and when we did, it was awkward. Less than three months later, I found out she was gone at 59 years old.
I haven't been able to shake the guilt, the disappointment, the shock of it all. What could I have done differently? What would have changed the course of her life for the better? What could have made a change?
I stood over her name speechless, today. There's no way to fix this. No way to turn back the clock. No way to undo what has been done. I can only remember.
My mom was a constant. She was constantly teaching me, disciplining me, lecturing me, holding me to a certain standard. She was tough on me. Rarely did I understand why. But I'm thankful for all she taught me. I only wish I would have listened to her sooner. -ecj